Wednesday, June 18, 2008

it's always the same

Cabbie last night listens to a priest in California on the radio, he says. 2011 will be the end of the world and there will be a world wide earthquake and the dead will rise from their graves and the non believers will have to stay on earth in torment and terrible suffering.

Me: Well, lots of people are living like that right now on earth.

That stopped that, basically and I was glad. He kept giving me cigarettes too and stopped the meter way ahead of my house. What a (yiddish word must exist for it). I was gonna tip him anyway, but I played along. I said "You don't have to stop the meter - that's alright - when the end comes it will be okay that you made money."

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The thrill is... back!

Children... please gather around my flouncy hem... I have to tell you some good news... I have been loving drinking for the entire week. The thrill is back.

Oh, KFR -- I have a hangover and I feel giggly and good. I am assigning myself one email to you at 2:15pm.

Love
Alexis

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Just one thing. (?)

I'm waiting for my aircon to cool down my room.

But the just one thing is lemme tell you, the toughest part about being single and being a secretary is feeling like you have to answer for it all the time.

I don't think I can blame other people for this. As often as not I'm blurting things out, defensive when other people have a different way they're making it. I assume I have to answer for myself and sometimes I'll just blurt/ cut to the chase. It's pathological and I think I'll try to stop.

At my party this weekend, I embarrassed the crap out of myself suddenly blurting out something about "When I sprained my ankle, I was dating a millionaire, so he got me a car service - I don't know what I would have done without it." It's so weird that I said this. I suppose I'm ashamed by that entire affair. Leave it to me to address shame by trying to act like it's nothing and leaving people speechless. I have to say I didn't realize immediately that that whole thing was antithetical to beliefs it turns out I hold, and deeply, but blurting out that it happened to people who don't know all about me - I won't necessarily have a chance to get to the "then I realized it was antithetical to me" part and so I just sound pretty ridiculous. Maybe even pathetic. How awful.

My little sister is going to Yale and today was her graduation. More no one particularly making me feel like I have to answer for anything but more me feeling that way anyway.

I'll come back to this tomorrow I suppose. I bet my room is cool now. I am merely saying that it sucks I don't have one thing to point to that would make me feel like people weren't judging me as coming up a little short. Also, I probably have to suck that up, and not do this "I'm still naive and that's okay!" thing, because I feel bad about the entire millionaire fiasco and I think maybe in this, my twenty seventh year, I ought to resolve not to engage in things that feel like they may have some un-righteous element that figures large - because even if I don't yet know HOW it will turn out to be wrong, I should still be able to surmise that it will somehow and I shouldn't do things that compromise my ability to feel proud, since natural pride is what I seek.

Anyway, Summer is here. my apartment is a great one. I'll be dating. watch this space for what happens there. (can't I not? really....)

love
Alexis

Monday, June 2, 2008

Reality TV

I cannot figure out if this is two years ago or one.




If you ever didn't believe me when I told you going home regreses me, here is some evidence. What we don't have evidence of, actually, is that I'm not regressed all the time! I'm ready for my close up Maddie DeMille?

Eff, please come home. You are the idol of my family.

Although, I think I look pretty in this vid. (full disclosure- I'm so vain!), believe me it's a paen to YOU.

sigh, love,
Alexis