I remember her so perfectly in my mind's eye. Iconic. Michael Jackson, also iconic. Both of them, fucked up about sex and love. Really though.
One of the first books I remember reading is Snow White. I remember that "vain," when I read it, was one of the most interesting words I'd seen.
Anyway. My apartment is beyond. I need to somehow take a sick day to address the kitchen and the trash. This is your pre law school drunk, signing off in Astoria,
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
I have got to get
away from the screen... hard to quit smoking when it forces me to the stoop. It's real life out there, dads and kids, crazy locals on the phone yelling about the higher ups in this company!!!! Oh I wish we could throw them all out our windows and keep it that way for a little while. You can keep your iphones if you gots em and that could be the reorganization for a while - (I can go stay with my brother- he has a really nice apartment and car and is great with the iphone). But computers out the window and televisions too. Take the man to task about that spill in the papers. Je reve, I dream.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
woo
I'm all turned around and happy. Days at the office with nothing to do baffle me. The World Cup is my kinda game... but, having returned from the hippy festival with siblings, it continues to somewhat surprise me that I'm not drinking a beer - hey sportsy real estate guys of the company - they fucking tryna rob us and we still win. I should be wrrrrrriiiiiiiiting....
I am getting high!
Oil spill, hunh? Florida beaches - gone for a while. Is sarcasm a cheap trope? - well..., nicely done. I am going to do my best for the things-fall-apart era of the Empire. I think i can bank on le capiltalisme for a little longer. And plastic bags can be my enemy and you know, I'm going to do my best... excluding taxis... but I'll move to Manhattan maybe. Babbling.
I was reflecting earlier and I'm postponing my reflections. In some ways I am a little old world and I like that - so I think personal thoughts and I want to write but the blog can seem so apart compared to... what was the old thing? writing in private and trying to publish?
So it's hard to segue to how serious I was being in my thoughts. I remember something I've "always wanted to write about" or rather thought of when thinking hard about my life because it feels good. Boys who died. I dunno - I'm not gonna write about it uniquely. No. But in my town there was a boy who died riding his bike a year after I moved to that town. I didn't understand death and reacted to it like it was a story about life. My 3rd grade teacher chastised me for the letter I wrote his mother for the memorial book - I just made up a soap opera feeling basically. I had his mother as my English teacher in 7th grade. She told me at the eighth grade dance that she had waited to meet me. She said he talked about me all the time. I prayed to him for a while after that. We weren't even in the same class. I had spent second grade crying.
So personal.
My idea moved on to this: art and loss and the universal. There's no way to live without experiencing loss and loss is so huge. If you experience it young, it nonetheless comes back later like a tidal wave, as meaning comes to take shape in your strange crooked brain.
I mean that empathy is tha process, in a way. I mean that I saw precious, and my god, I never lost so much, but one day - this is what universalism is - you'll have an inkling, you will. And I thought of how I know that elephants feel it too. Elephants mourn did you know that? They stop and mourn if they pass a space where one of them died.
I thought on from there to the great romance, the death that's come with some of the romantic love I've felt. My vanity, and watching Snow White with A and M a couple moths ago, writing M's Match profile, such a good night of wine and ABC family but lemme tell you a little something about Snow White...
XOXOXO times one thousand
Alexis
I am getting high!
Oil spill, hunh? Florida beaches - gone for a while. Is sarcasm a cheap trope? - well..., nicely done. I am going to do my best for the things-fall-apart era of the Empire. I think i can bank on le capiltalisme for a little longer. And plastic bags can be my enemy and you know, I'm going to do my best... excluding taxis... but I'll move to Manhattan maybe. Babbling.
I was reflecting earlier and I'm postponing my reflections. In some ways I am a little old world and I like that - so I think personal thoughts and I want to write but the blog can seem so apart compared to... what was the old thing? writing in private and trying to publish?
So it's hard to segue to how serious I was being in my thoughts. I remember something I've "always wanted to write about" or rather thought of when thinking hard about my life because it feels good. Boys who died. I dunno - I'm not gonna write about it uniquely. No. But in my town there was a boy who died riding his bike a year after I moved to that town. I didn't understand death and reacted to it like it was a story about life. My 3rd grade teacher chastised me for the letter I wrote his mother for the memorial book - I just made up a soap opera feeling basically. I had his mother as my English teacher in 7th grade. She told me at the eighth grade dance that she had waited to meet me. She said he talked about me all the time. I prayed to him for a while after that. We weren't even in the same class. I had spent second grade crying.
So personal.
My idea moved on to this: art and loss and the universal. There's no way to live without experiencing loss and loss is so huge. If you experience it young, it nonetheless comes back later like a tidal wave, as meaning comes to take shape in your strange crooked brain.
I mean that empathy is tha process, in a way. I mean that I saw precious, and my god, I never lost so much, but one day - this is what universalism is - you'll have an inkling, you will. And I thought of how I know that elephants feel it too. Elephants mourn did you know that? They stop and mourn if they pass a space where one of them died.
I thought on from there to the great romance, the death that's come with some of the romantic love I've felt. My vanity, and watching Snow White with A and M a couple moths ago, writing M's Match profile, such a good night of wine and ABC family but lemme tell you a little something about Snow White...
XOXOXO times one thousand
Alexis
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Allow me to reintroduce myself
I like to blog in bullets. once every four months or so. This is the reinvention.
* You know how I sometimes refer to a religion I'll create whose dogma is to love what I love. AIRCONDITIONING.
* I like to date more than one person. That's how I like it. So far. I'm not returning to therapy. I'm just working it til it doesn't work anymore.
* Anyway, i'm way too busy. I possibly haven't studied enough for the LSAT but I have 5 more days or something and I will every day and I can't wait for it to be done with. Also, the way to remain calm and not riddled with anxiety eventhough you hardly even need to particularly "have anxiety" to be anxious about a test of such a very determinant nature: "you need three more points to go to this school - you need four more points to go to that school. Get all the answers right! Get them right! and fast! FAST!" - right, well the way to remain calm is to realize that if you have to go to a lesser law school at least you can choose one somewhere like San Diego or somewhere and get a convertible or something. Staying relaxed this week is key.
AIRCONDITIONING IS SO AMAZING. It's like this every year - the first night of aircon and the first morning - and then it lasts, it is the only bliss I know that lasts and lasts, what is this happy HEAVEN? Where had it gone? Don't dare ask why it allows me its grace each summer.
If you thought I'd talk about my vacation last week and seeing KFR for the first time in 11 years, the joke is on you.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Love
Alexis
* You know how I sometimes refer to a religion I'll create whose dogma is to love what I love. AIRCONDITIONING.
* I like to date more than one person. That's how I like it. So far. I'm not returning to therapy. I'm just working it til it doesn't work anymore.
* Anyway, i'm way too busy. I possibly haven't studied enough for the LSAT but I have 5 more days or something and I will every day and I can't wait for it to be done with. Also, the way to remain calm and not riddled with anxiety eventhough you hardly even need to particularly "have anxiety" to be anxious about a test of such a very determinant nature: "you need three more points to go to this school - you need four more points to go to that school. Get all the answers right! Get them right! and fast! FAST!" - right, well the way to remain calm is to realize that if you have to go to a lesser law school at least you can choose one somewhere like San Diego or somewhere and get a convertible or something. Staying relaxed this week is key.
AIRCONDITIONING IS SO AMAZING. It's like this every year - the first night of aircon and the first morning - and then it lasts, it is the only bliss I know that lasts and lasts, what is this happy HEAVEN? Where had it gone? Don't dare ask why it allows me its grace each summer.
If you thought I'd talk about my vacation last week and seeing KFR for the first time in 11 years, the joke is on you.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Love
Alexis
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