It's possible

that this isn't even funny - my current situation. Also it's involved. Myfriendh already knows alllllll about it (skip this one Myfriendh if you are reading - you already know all about it! ;) ) I mean it's kind of funny and I knew my odds were bad but did it anyway. I'm at home because I did some overtime last week and asked for it back in 3 vacation hours this morning thinking that knowing what I did about a certain someone's schedule maybe we'd be staying up late together last night...... or rolling all around now..... but see where I am? see what I'm doing?

I'm pretty deep in he's just not that into you land. I think this land is very very confusing when the sex was good.

It's funny. I don't even know what I want. For example, at first suggestions that this boy seemed to kind of like me my reaction was A) that's not clear and B) he seems kind of preoccupied in a way I don't feel qualified to qualify - don't know what it is, but I wouldn't get too excited. also he;s a magician. I don't know what my stereotype of that might be - but .... that's his main profession so broke? close to broke? That's okay if he's a little broke. Just it was a convenient thing to use with myself to keep myself uninterested. He's a magician. Not a musician.

Anyway, even after he and i had this night that I thought was really really fun, for a couple days I was still like, well that was fun, but I don't think he's boyfriend material. He seems a little preoccupied in a funny way.

Cut to a few days later with no phone calls and I've decided he's preoccupied acting because still waters run deep or something. I mean he's gone ahead and proved my initail reacotion and now I wish it weren't true.

Honestly, the night I went home with him I caught him staring at me and stuff like I was the greatest thing he'd ever seen. What happened?

And What Do I Do? that's the thought I'm doomed to go over and over until I do something - i guess because he and I are life opposites, which is probably what intrigues me so. He clearly loves doing nothing about stuff specifically sexual attraction. I can't live sanely until I do something.

I've already inititaed every post seeing eachother text with him. He always responds, almost never with something you can respond much to in return. So Thursday, I say wanna fuck? Or Friday I say Call me? I think I'm arranging an internet date for Friday.

I mean if this guy got the picture he'd realize it's not like I'm going to wait around on silence right? or beg is this begging? Oh now I want to cry! (which would be nice actually. I'm so frustrated

love
Alexis

more soon on exactly this same topic I presume