My energy is all scattered. Am I happy? I'm not not happy but I'm full of energy man and it's scattered.
On Tuesday, after I blogged, this therapist I was internet dating emailed an email called "amends" explaining that he was sorry he dropped off the planet, liked me - it was because he liked me? And I was all - oh, weird- you do that? you don't call because you like someone and you're scared (I've heard that's a myth.) Anyhow it has to do with his psychiatric ex-girlfriend this response of his. We wrote long emails all day...
you know what I can't even do this - I'm too scattered - I've seen a bunch of people, I've given up on the one guy I really want to sleep with - I've been juggling dates - when one stands me up I call another, when I stand one up, he calls another. I have a million things I could work on and work on none. What I want is a watch the leaves change vacation with a hot great in bed boy and to hike, nap, and do it. In the absence of that I have internet dates, friends, and not doing the applying for jobs, writing books, producing my own play, stuff I guess I "should." I've had too much coffee already. I'm in such a RARIN TO GO mood. Somebody slap me. I forgot to wear a slip today and had to spend too much money on one so as not to be effectively naked at work. happy Thursday. should fire my therapist tonight but I probably won't. Will just give him the update I'm far too insane to give you through typing right now.
love
me
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4 comments:
Dear Alexis -
Heres the thing (and Im pretty sure you already know this) I have felt this EXACT same way a MILLION times about boys. And now that I have FINALLY found one that treats me the way I deserve to be treated (for expamle: I am constantly AWARE of the fact that he is crazy about me because he: A. tells me so. B. returns all of my calls and texts. C. wants to spend any amount of time together that we possibly can - no matter what we end up doing (seriously, sometimes he just wants to sit next to me while I do homework). D. tells his friends and family that I am great and etc. etc. etc.) and it makes me feel crazy for every putting up with or settling for less. Seriously, I dont know what makes some boys think that they can just be all nonchalant and casual with a girl FOREVER when everyone on earth knows that that is not how girls work.
Dont settle, my friend, it is such a waste. This magician should be falling all over himself to have the CHANCE at seeing the J Crew striptease.
P.S. XO
yeah- you know I feel that way too -like - forget it I'm movin on. But what a pain how you can get there intellectually before you get out of feeling all pent up and bizarro. It aint easy. I put in the "call me" msg last night so I can do the "I like you and i thought you liked me. What happened? for my own curiosity..." phonecall today. he called for it but I was stuck at a pretty public desk and so... well, we'll see about 3pm for that. You know - you have to be very brave to make these phonecalls. That's all I can say. I'm a brave lady of integrity. :) XO back at you.
You are very brave, pretty lady! But, also keep in mind during these phone calls that regardless of what is said, you are fucking awesome and deserve the best, so if this guy isnt smart enough to realize that, then fuck him. You know? I mean, I dont know the guy but he clearly isnt smart enough for you.
Good luck with the phone call, my dear.
X's and O's all day
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