Friday, August 14, 2009

Aint life funny

Moods I mean. I just think it's funny how sometimes for stetches of time I feel hopeful and excited and full of energy and then, nothing has to change, and I'm much more tired and wishing for sweet nothing. Up and down and up and down but always I hope at least kind of moderate.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

lemme do another one

The last one isn't kind. I need to call not my mother but the other person and tell him those things explicitly I think so that it's honest more than pure complainy.

We get a lot of that around here. Me disappointed about people and venting, identifying the nugget of disappointment.

It's one of those overcast days where it's nice to blog.

On the train this morning, when it left the station, this women fell in the craziet way where she just kept falling. As everyone was freaking out trying to help her, this guy who was seated managed to spill his hash browns on the floor, then spill orange juice all over the long row-style seat. He was so embarassed. But he also had some kind of condition where his uppoer body was too short to reach down and pick up anything. He tried leaning against the pole, and when he did this, he had to raise a foot to lean over, but even then he couldn't pick up the hash brown. The whole thing was so ridiculous. It would be kind of absurd to think that this sort of event - a car-wide loss of mtor skills was a harbiger but it's also just the way of the world, absolutely, to think to oneself "oh - it's that kind of day. Keep your eyes open!"

Life would be so perfect if I were going home to be turned into a vampire by Eric from everyone's favorite True Blood.

titleless

Good things:

Today I am working for someone who sends a lot of emails that say "remind me." I like this. It is like a game. The simplest game in the world. He walks by. I remind him of the thing he emailed me to remind him. It hearkens to a game I played with most of my baby siblings as they joyfully each one of them, at about age 9 months, invented it as if they were the first. Good old "throw it down and pick it up."

Bad thing?

This is my adult life?

This is going to be itemized nonsense from here on out.

I am allergic to New Jersey. Whether my mom's house or my dad's house if I go there my eyes itch and tear for a week after, claritin or no claritin and it blows.

My mother is so obnoxious, really. Eventhough she claims to have mourned me for dead since I was 17, she is gathering us all to P-ton to take the christmas picture Saturday. She is so blatant. All she cares about is that damn picture. This is partially Ben's fault. She called me about how we won't have a x-mas picture this year (for the reeeally dead years, my mother inserted the kids' au pair as me in the picture - I liked that!) and said there was one from Key West we could use and I said fine. I didn't need to see it. Almost as long as she's been sending them, I've hated how I look in whichever one goes out; I don't know the people she sends it to to prove that she has killed none of her children this year, (I didn't say the "to prove she hasn't killed us" part to her) why would I care this year - go on and send it. But apparently Ben didn't like how he looked so we're doing this on Saturday.

I was over that - but then she sent me a millionth friend request on facebook this morning. We've had this conversation soooooo many times.

It is annoying to wake up not thinking about my mother and have another one of these little "I am worried that it looks like I'm not a great mother" things from her. This is all I get from her aside from phonecalls when I'm at work where she goes on and on and on about where Maddie is going to college where my sole repeated line is "She's great Mom; she's gonna be great. That's great. She'll be great." Super annoying because my mom had this kid convinced she was learning disabled for a while, while I protested that she is in fact a genius. My mom now thinks she's a genius but forgets that this is what I've been saying from the beginning.

Meanwhile just a couple months ago we had it all out email style and she gave me a full on breakdown. Well, the beat goes on.

I want to see Ben off before he returns to college and see Maddie and Steph anyway. So whatevs. It will be fun. Hopefully the picture part is fast.

Yeah I have nothing but complaints today.

-redacted-

What a mood I'm in. Dating is actaully fun and fine. I'm enjoying myself and there seem to be some interesting people on this website and no rush except I really want to have sex my body is frickin mad for it!

love
Alexis