Last Thursday

I had amazing sex all day. Sex that makes you speak from the heart lying on your back. Kisses. Sweetness. Body having. Body loving.

Now I want to sob from my eyes to my stomach. Unemployment is so much potential. I am overwhelmed. I shouldn't have had coffee late in the day as I did. I'm awake at 2:30 am and I want to sob til I'm exhausted. I feel the fierce pressure to make the most of this and I feel like letting go. Can I let go?

In a week and two days I'll fly to new Orleans to celebrate my 30th birthday in style. Right now it doesn't feel true. What feels true is I can't sleep - some local craft beer doesn't sit well with my stomach and "everything is good" "everything is good" Everything is everything, my stomach is churning and where is my community? I need to find it because I feel a little ill with self.

I will find it. I will do everything. I'm doing my birthday with my dad and carol tomorrow. So some anxiety. Everything and nothing to prove. I want to never go back to corporate. I want to be with my friends. I want to cry til I sleep, not look at the tv. Jeez, I don't want to talk about what I'm going to do now with my parents. I expect everyone can understand that. :-) Now sobbing about nothing - come to me... ?