First,

don't ever buy this "Mash" bottled juice stuff. I got it this morning having skimmed the label and thinking it said, "it's 100% juice..." What it says is, "it's not 100%juice" and it's gross.

I don't know what the point is of it all. I really don't. I am turning 29 tomorrow though. And pretty soon I'm going to go to law school. I have to because of a very simple thing called money. I want to have it. I want a house in New England. I can deal with the possibility of never falling in love again. But I can't deal with never being in a certain bracket, the homeowner bracket. So there it is. Enh - I should also be able to kick some litigous ass. I need to be kicking more ass, and making money - not this year but, well, probably next year - go to Mexico for the 30th bday and then to Law School before the 31st. Maybe I could be an environmental lawyer. That would be sort of awesome. Maybe I could lend my future to-be-gotten contract understanding abilities to would-be producers and sorta keep my hand in the theater production game. I don't know, I've been thinking these kind of serious thoughts about the future. Probably because so many people are getting married or pregnant and I can't even afford a puppy, and also am developing a corner of myself that doesn't believe I'll ever have another boyfriend, not to say husband. And because I really admire the women around my workplace who are runnin' thangs while I take phonecalls and dress like Mad Men (which I was doing since before that shit was on TV - which is awesomely prescient of me but doesn't help me at the automat- not one bit). I'll be accepting "But Alexis you MUSTN'T go to Law School - you are TOO UNIQUE and should just maintain and WRITE" comments/ caveats - but I'm more serious than usual as 30 looms and I seriously want to be able to support a Dog and have a house preferably made at least in part of stone. I think it could be deeply satisyfing a) to study and use different colored highlighters - so in depth will be the level of studying b) to do the persuasive thing c)to earn money, did I mention that?

So there's that. It's related, or at least how serious I feel about it is related, to a phonecall with my dad last night. I guess I'll dialogue it. "Mad Men"-wise it would be hot as hell if I could light up a smoke here at work while I dialogue out my conversation with my dad last night on my blog. Hating so hard on smoking is sadly not even the worst of the aughts.

My dad calls.

Me: HI!
Dad: Hi - how are you?
Me: Good! I'm Good!
Dad: That's one thing that's great about you - you are always so upbeat.
Me: Well, I try!
Dad: So, tomorrow is my last day at Schering.
Me: Wow. Unbelievable. That is some serious end of an era stuff.

um, etc.

Dad: So I won't have to go into work for a while and I found two boxes of your papers from Middle School and High School in the basement so I can bring them out to you one day.
Me: Hm. Alright.
Dad: You know what else I found - cleaning out my desk from work... notes I took from a phonecall from that casting agent about you being in The Secret Garden when you were 12. It says they'd provide a tutor - but you need to have at least one guardian and I wrote "Grammom?"

etc. Jokes.

Dad: Oh well... probably you would have ended up like Drew Barrymore on drugs and a mess.
Me: Oh probably not. Probably I just would have loved the living shit out of it and then for college gone to Carnegie Mellon's Conservatory or I dunno Yale and gotten an agent and it'd be great.
Dad: Yea! You'd be Natalie Portman.
Me: Exactly. But talented. Anyhow, this is silly. Yeah, right now all I really want is a dog.
Dad: Well I guess I can be glad you're not telling me you're not getting younger so you want to have a baby.
Me: Yeah not to worry - not even close. I'll tell you that in about 10 years.
Dad: What about your mother? Is she still bothering you to have a baby?
Me: No I think that was mostly drunkenness... well, or... well I don't really know what it was. Honestly it was more her asking why I was keeping her from her grandchild - you know the imaginary grandchild - which - I don't think you like to hear this, but when I do think of having a baby, I'm pretty sure I really don't want her anywhere near it and I'll try to keep it as far away from her as I can...
Dad: Oh I don't think I'll fight you too hard on that.
Me: Okay good yeah. Hey so these boxes of stuff - I'm just thinking- you don't really have to bring them out here - I mean it's great if you come out here- there's all sorts of stuff we can do, but it's not like I have so much storage space...
Dad: Well if I don't bring it out it's gonna get thrown away.
Me: Jeez fine. Bring them out then - I don't want you to throw them away. Like my "All About Me" book. I was just thinking of that because of Where the Wild things Are. Do you remember the stories you took dictation from me of? They were incredible- They were so Jungian - I can't believe they're lost forever.
Dad: Yeah! you were so Creative!
Me: No Really! I remember one of them I looked in the mirror but I was a bird and... then there was this journey on a train but all the while I kept having these feelings, as a girl, as a bird... - it's terrible that they're gone.
Dad: What about schools? Are you applying to schools again this year?
Me: I mean I should try. Get together a couple applications over Christmas break. But I haven't written anything new. I am in a mood to revise, but I don't know if I'll get to it. Plus I was reading this Wendy Wasserstein play over the weekend and thinking, "Why not try to produce this?" I mean I don't know how to acquire the rights but I guess I could find out.
Dad: Yeah I guess that's why there are producers - not everyone can write.
Me: Well I can write but it's just I think there's a lot of writing that's already there that is better than mine. I mean mine is mine but Wendy Wasserstein - it's kind of great- it all applies to now as well as when it was written and there're all these female characters.. I could cast myself... I don't know.
Dad: No I like this - very ambitious...
Me: And law school - I think about law school
Dad: Well I REALLY like that! But don't wait too long...
Me: What does THAT mean?

But I didn't want to give my dad a hard time so I laid off and didn't demand an answer. Thinking about it more today I also think I shouldn't wait tooo long (I just don't want to hear it from my Dad) because it's expensive and you want to do it young enough that you're paying it off at a time when it's still okay that you're paying it off.

Uh, Booooring - sorry about this y'all. XOXOXOX
A