Sunday, December 14, 2008

but now you only call me when you're feeling depressed when you feel happy/ I'm/ so far from your mind

going to blog quickly

Yesterday i worked on my nutso play for I think 12 hours. had trouble sleeping so in it, so ready for more.

And then WHAT happens? Why did I feel so crappy all day? I watched six feet unders for a bit (bad idea when you're by yourself feeling down) then I stopped, got ready to work more (i've been half-assedly "working" for forty minutes or something) and, you know, cried for ten minutes. I wanted to. It was fine. But I had been feeling so elated for a little stretch. Crying about nothing is always such a weird one. I will say it's better than when you feel the same way but don't cry.

Am I really insecure? Does everybody know but me? I was so weird this morning.. I have this boy, man... coming to visit me in January. I know he's excited to. It's this good thing I'm happy about. But I psyched myself out about it this morning. He said hi on facebook like he does most weekend mornings and I don't think he knows but I was taking everything he said (typed) wrong and bad and am i really that nuts? only one Sunday a month - post menstrual? only when I hermit myself away for the weekend. If I DON'T hermit myself away then I'll really go crazy because I won't finish my applications.

Still happy I swear.

I just stress myself out sometimes. A mind is a terrible thing to have. :)

love

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