We'll get back to Bazaar

Tomorrow morning maybe.

Now I am going to catalogue what brings me to waiting by the phone (dammit), having the moment when you realize, "no." :( :(
:(

* I meet T. and M. at a reading of T.'s play. M. is really good and very very beautiful. T. asks me out.
* T. and I go out a couple times. Sex not good tho. :( T. goes to England for the year. I ask him to help me get M. to be in my play reading.
* M. does the reading. Is freakin awesome. Then he runs off to the club where he alternately MCs with a hip hop group/ works the door. I go there after. leave. Contrive a text that says sorry i left early but let me know what he's up to.
* He does indeed send lots of texts about when he's playing.
* 1 time I even go there by myself a night he's working the door.
* After the GRE, I meet up with him, bounce around alphabet city. Get a kiss in the cab, accuse "what are you embarrassed of me? You won't kiss me in front of people?" He texts at 2:45 to see if I'm awake. I am not.
* But he calls the next day and we agree to go on what turns into an outstanding date. "Sorry about the insecure/accusatory after that kiss..." "M: "Insecure? No! I like it - be agressive be be agressive!" He's got to run after dinner though - work! So it's two kisses and a growl/bite to my neck and he's off.
* He wants to come over at around 1:45. Ummmm.. okay then... altright yeah, okay.
* But are you leaving soon?
* "band playing anutha fuckin set? Lookin late"
* yeah, I'm already asleep. :(
* So.... finally calls at, uh, 10:00 pm ish the next day... so I stop by his club okay, I am already in Manhattan so.... I hang out at the door. It's all nice. other people there drugging me, talking to me, talking to me, talking to me.... but at 1:00 ish I just wanna go home. some finger intertwining with M. outside. Peck on the lips as i'm going. "It could have worked yesterday. that would have been..." Me: "yeah, but i was asleep." M: "yeah." He'll call tomorrow afternoon...
* ...which is today. It's now 5:24pm. He'll be playing a show tonight... have to be there at, I dunno, 10:30... so what's going on here. If he calls, I'll take it and maybe have to hear something deflectory and have no response. Or the phone is seconds from ringing and he'll be here in a reasonable amount of time. no harm no foul. or he doesn't call today and I have to erase him from my phone.

Life's tough hunh. Continue waiting in my castle, and, ugh, working on myself. Sweet notherapycomputer, what's the status? Are we making any progress here?

XOXOX
Alexis