I was

going to write about solitude, but Meglet called a minute ago and noted the lovely day and we should go the park or a movie... and that makes a solitude post kind of moot. I'll still write about it.

Lots of people expect you to be living a whirlwind life in New York cus you're young and free. They don't quite understand a couple things 1) how you live alone in Astoria and 2) It's not as if we don't live the in the flakiest age of time immemorial and c'mon would New York of all places be exempt from that? no.

It's a little hard for me -- not a lot hard - and I'm really glad that this is one of my bigger problems right now 'cuz it's not a big deal by any means -- but it's a little hard for me because I'm not very flaky. I don't know if it's because I'm lame or something, but I generally go where I said I'd go or call and apologize. And it's only with some effort that I'm so busy that I'm having to cancel a lot. I'm not trying to complain although clearly that's what I'm doing. But I need to specify a little I think: my one friend is a super-pro free-lance writer. She can flake on me forever and I'll never be annoyed. But really she's not flaky -- she's on that shit - she cancels a day in advance always actually .. so nevermind. Just wanted to clarify that cancelling is great by me. Defnitely beats the texting, then dropping off that is so prevalent.

I also actually like being alone. Also, for those who don't know how to be alone (because that sounds rough - I probably really couldn't, say, in college) it helps when you expect it a little I think. I realized on friday that I had no set plans with anyone this weekend so eventhough I sent out a little "i'm painting panels all day - drop by" texts to everyone I have in my phone in Astoria yesterday morning, i would have been shocked if anyone came over.

In the evening, I wanted to go dancing and expected to meet up with some crazy Texans - a law school girlfriend of A's and friends. They texted that they were still watching Spamalot. They'd call when it got out. I called friend w/ benefits who had, I suppose, invited me to a brooklyn party in the morning when I still thought if anything I'd be out with the Texans. He said he'd call later and most certainly didn't. (I didn't expect him to -- he was on his way to a party in Fort Greene.) I showered and got dressed. L. called from florida and told me he's doing good there - art gallery - small apartment with a pool. And that he fantasizes about me and loves my laugh. Okay. No one currently in New York called. It was eleven. Fuck it i watched the Ali G show. took a benedryll. Slept beautiful.

Do I have a point? probably not. I was thinking a little of my date with M. too -- he recommended I do this thing called "The Artists Way" which involves free writing at least 3 pages the second you wake up for several weeks. he said I'd "know myself better than I could imagine."

It's very possible that I should be free writing three pages as soon as I wake up every morning. But could the time I spend alone not be helping with that as much as writing every morning?

My point is I know myself well I think. I know it's not a good idea for me to try to drill the panels to the wall by myself. I know that that will be more fun even with a hired handyman than it will be by myself.

I was going to list more things I know about myself and fascinate my readers even MORE if that's possible, but I have to get going to the park now to meet Megastar. What a dumb post this is!