weirdo

I can't sleep and I am apparently in the mood to beat up on myself. I think the reason for this is that i have to go to work and I want to do a lot of other stuff that's not go to work -- not to mention they've taken to scheduling me for events at all hours without asking. Scheduling me? What is this a restaurant? Tomorrow should be fine but i can't get a minute there anymore. I'll get to work on writing at the library in the evening w/ M but first I have to get through the day, which is the primary reason it would be great to get some sleep but instead i want to tell you I'm not as great as some of you think.

1) I bitch at work like crazy. Nice people there - tolerant. Like the floater I called "parochial" in one post. She's a nice girl. I'm the one who's fruit loops. She's a nice girl. i'm "too dynamic" -- it was put to me by someone wise while i was losing it over that other lady last monday.

2) I think about myself so much. It's so boring.

3) The play I'm working on is nonsense.

4) The other thing better. But I have so much work to do.

5) And I have to do the play anyway goddammit... just for process sake. oh yeah and finishing sake.

6) Oh god Demanding. Insane. Boring.

7) Always thinkng about my family and crushes late at night when i should be sleeping. Your family -get over it. Your crushes - don't you wish you'd cut this out of the nightime routine a few to twelve years ago.

8) Not that smart. Some of you think otherwise you've told me. It's just not true. If I were smart, I'd have some kind of career duh. I wouldn't enjoy acting dumb so much. I'm not talking about just when I'm drunk either here. "enjoy acting dumb!" What a front!!!!!!

9) not that empathetic. As i'm trying to explain, I'm a bitch. Who can I blame for making me so judgmental?

10) something about not being able to hang in with someone moment through every moment and memory and feeling. Overheard explosion can kind of be ending for play I thought. believe me, it's not extremely good. Mustn't I be crazy? Maybe falling asleep somewhat now?

Type more flaws? Oh that's good. Not smart I am telling you. Squandred privileges. uncharitable character. Up late thiking about self - retarded.

Maybe I'm purged. I am tired. That's a start.