What a weekend. Gwazdor came to town and expanded my mind but not before we filled our bodies with poison. (His word.) We really fiugred out good ways to say some stuff and other times we had to settle for his conclusion, which I think is astute, that most things are so incredibly complicated, esp. most things about communication, that making the best sense you can will get you too no sense, closer, but still so far. There aren't words for everything. Later on the subway, I sat and he stood. I said "I like how much we drank last night. It was fun." He said, "I can't hear you." like he'd never seen me before in his life. Then he said "I don't know you. do you always talk to strangers like that?" It had the desired effect of being embarassing.
What I'm thinking about now is how I sleep when I sleep in Pennington New Jersey. When I sleep in Pennington New Jersey I wake up in the night aware of mortality. I fall back asleep fine and I think that must be why it's called a "comforter." It's something though -- how much more likely I am to feel this back home with my family sleeping in the other rooms than in my studio apartment by myself. What is it about my family in the house that pushes inescapable death so directly to my conscious mind?
I have to go. This is a weird one. Delete later maybe. Busy.
XO
A
5 comments:
Well, I think your mom makes most people think about the icy breath of the reaper.
We had fun last night actually. She watched Sopranos with me and praised my communcation skills at dinner when Ben embarassed me ("You said you didn't want to talk about it and then you just talked for about 5 minutes straight!" So true!) I think I just feel very very isolated in my house... some physically embedded memory of teenagerhood I think. The origins of longing for another person in bed. In other beds, less longing, more feeling of self-possesion.
Communcation is becoming a really obsessing idea. I'm thinking about writing so much. Gwazdor and I talked about it SO much and then Maddie too was like "I don't know anyone else who talks like you." Today I feel really spent mentally. I've been giving so much thought to this self-expression thing and it's tiring and getting beyond me now....
Today is cold and tomorrow will be 70 degrees and THESE seem like the most "relevant" things there can be.
love.
I'm sorry. I know it was a cheap shot trying to make you look like a crazy woman on the subway who mistakes strangers for her confidants (and there are so many of these people, really.) But you could have just said, "oh shut up" or something and everyone would have realized it was just a game. But you didn't. So what does THAT say about you?
Typical - you're all full of praise for me, and I react by attacking you.
Yes, so typical. :) I am EXHAUSTED today Farley. Let's not ever be that smart that long again. I can't handle it.
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