fantasy corner (this is going to be fun)

I, Alexis, am Queen of All. I am in the cavernous hall of my castle where I daily receive my advisors, sometimes dignitaries, et al. It's cold dark and damp. I am wearing a really comfortable floor length gown though and of course a huge blue velvet robe with the royal black-spotted white ermine trim. I am the Queen of All. My advisors and aides are all around me... I pull my robe very satisfyingly to me as it is really so damp dark and cold. The torches that light the room are a distance away and throw no heat, only flattering light.

Me, Queen of All: Does it seem less than befitting that the Queen of All suffers this morning from a hangover derived of consuming six corona lights and no dinner?

Advisor1: It does your Majesty!

Advisor2: How could this have happened your Majesty?!

Me, Queen of All: Well, it just happened. Relax- it happened and now you just have to chill a little this morning because I'm useless - capeesh?

Advisor1: Let your majesty please never say such a thing about her most perfect imperial self.

Me: Yeah you're right. Okay. We are ready to rule. Tell us of the principality of New York City and We shall make decrees.

Advisor2: Your highest holiest perfect, as you have ruled it, I shall now tell you of the advertisements currently on display in the cars of the N train running from Ditmars Blvd to Coney Island, this month of your excellent year two thousand and 9.

Me: Go.

Advisor2: Duane Reade, the pharmacy, has an ad up that shows a picture of the selfsame type of train car that the rider is in - featuring most prominently the pole that riders must hold as not to fall while the train is in motion.

Me: I'm familiar. Go on. Text?

Advisor 2: There is text. It reads 'there are a gazillion germs on the pole that you're holding".

Me: Not, "There are, like a gazillion germs on that pole that you're holding"?

Advisor2 (very flustered): your majesty, I,... I just... I don't for certain recall, I...

Me: Why do I have advisors if you can't even recall the very things I need you to recall for my daily briefing and consequent judgement?

Advisor2: It is so very shamefull your Highness.

Me: Well it's alright this time. I know my judgment irregardless. Where is the executive advertisement team that created this? Bring them in.

(without fanfare, the executive team is brought in before Me)

Me: I sentence you all to death. It is that simple and if I needed to be sorry, ever, in this life, this might be a moment in which I would feel that - it is, at any rate, irrelevant. To be clear, you know that under my reign there is a zero tolerance policy for confounding obnoxious subway promotions that, if they could think would think they were cute. They are never cute. Of course there are millions of germs on the pole. You executives well know, educated as you are, that it's a matter of the immune system being able to fight all those itty bitty germs that are unintegrated into a larger organism -- such have people lived in filthy New York for all the years New York has been there. Well I shan't waste my breath. You knew the rule. You broke the rule. And now you die. Problems and complications arrising from your death I will rule on as they arise and no earlier. Face Death bravely. You shall have a last meal.

(they are led out)

Advisor1: are you comfortable your majesty?

Me: Yes very. Well I want lunch.

Advisor1: yes we've already called for the chilled roasted red pepper vich....

(Advisor2 frantically waves his arms for Advisor1 to stop speaking)

Me: What is it?

Advisor 1: your most holiest majesty - they are not serving roasted red pepper Vichysoise today... (he offers his neck for his head to be cut off)

Me: (I reach for my scepter) Kindly remove your neck from the boards before my feet. No matter what I do, I will always be surrounded by fools. I'm not going to kill you over the vichysoise. But MARK THIS DECREE: ALWAYS PREPARE THE VICHYSOISE.

Advisor1: Please most blessed perfect one: I am so curious... I must know... why are you so generous charitable beautiful?

Me: No one knows. Act of God.

Advisor1: Oh it is certainly so. And... and your majesty -- why are you so particularly forgiving generous magnanimous to a point approaching the most pure and holy... when it comes to Hale and Hearty Soup.

Me: Oh I've told you a hundred times you imbecile, you fool, you wretched dog: because they are nice there. And half the soups, and there are many, are delicious. Send them a letter. Tell them this. And of course the decree. For them I've done the unthinkable : I have ordered a decree twice.

Advisor2: Yes your most perfect beautiful majesty.

XOXO
Alexis