So that guy I was freaking out over (WHY? - because he is my absolute polar opposite and is physically strong)- here is what's transpired since my day of hell.
Umm... he followed through with a phone call Thursday and texts last Sat. morning - he came to Astoria that night, kisses and fun - we went to the beer garden and met my friends - fun stuff - he hates smoking! He hates pot smoking! Hilarious. I am eating it up -- polar opposite!
What a nice night and morning.
End of morning Sunday he got a LITTLE cagey but I kind of made jokes about it. We, at my instigation, tried to make another date, but seeing as he has golf very early on Saturday, and "never knows when [he]'ll have to stay at work til 10:00pm," it was this vague-ish next Saturday night plan that we made, and I also stressed that he needs to call on the telephone and not count running into eachother at work as that.
So he did call last night as he was walking home from an improv rehearsal and this is how that went:
Him: Hi so... uh, how are you - where are you?
Me: The Marriott Residence Inn.
Him: Oh right your writing thing.
Me: Want to come to a party I don't really want to go to that I'm about to go to?
Him: no, no - I have the trainer at 6:30am tomorrow.
Me: Yeah - I don't want to go either that's cool. I mean I am going though. Anyway Where are you?
Him: Walking home from an improv rehearsal..... So the weekend's looking really messy... I have golf first thing in the morning - like I'm literally renting a car at 6:00 in the morning- and then a friend from undergrad is coming in Saturday night...
Me: Oh,.... okay.... and I guess you want to get one-on-one time with you friend...
Him: Well, it'll be like a small group...
Me: Ummm... ok....
Him: So let's just keep it open and watch your texts...
Me: Uhhhh... (nervous laughter)...well... Hey text me at work so I'm not bored.
Him: Well, things have actually been really really hectic at work...
Me: mm. (long pause) well, text me anyway.
Him: Okay watch your texts though.
Me: Well, yeah.
We got off the phone and I realize how annoyed I am.. really annoyed. I called back because I can't take this anymore... he didn't pick up. I got in the cab to go to the party where I'd know no one and would leave after ten minutes without talking to anyone. I called again. I said I couldn't really hear/ talk in the hotel and thought maybe we could talk while I was in the cab.
Me: Have you sent texts I haven't responded to?
Him: No. No, I just meant that I know you have to delete them...
Me: Yeah. So listen I feel like, I feel like if you really wanted to get together and spend time, you'd find a way we could do this... I don't want to... I don't want to...
Him: Well, I'm just having a really hard time planning the weekend. I have this golf thing and I have this friend coming and...
Magically, it is the shortest cab ride ever and this is basically as far as this conversation gets before I have to pay in a big messy hullabaloo and now I am on the humid horrible street. I find a stoop.
Him: Frozen grapes are the greatest idea.
Me: yeah.. yeah.. oh I just read something about fr--
Him: What?
Me: Oh just.. just.. nothing, really...
Him: Just regular green grapes and put them in the freezer... and they are fantastic...
Him: Yeah I just read this thing in the New York Times about frozen blueberries.. I mean it was ten foods you should be eating. Swiss chard, and beets but I don't like beets, and frozen blueberries...
Him: You know where they got that article from?
Me: (I do know but say:) Where?
Him: Men's Health. It's like my Bible.
Me: I'm not surprised - I mean I saw it in your house.
Him: The NY Times takes almost all their Health articles from there.
(Honest to God we now talk about the location of magazine publishers and Conde Nast for a spell.)
Me: I mean, I just.. I think you're putting me in a position here and I...
Him:
Me: I mean, did you tell me to keep my Saturday open?
him: Umm.. no, ithink I just said to keep Saturday real.
Me: (like "to the moon Alice!") oooohooohoooohoo. I am trying not to act crazy here.
Him: I don't want you to act crazy either.
Me: I bet you don't. (deep breath) Well, I just wish.. I just would like... I mean I'm going away a week from Thursday -- God I am really hating New York tonight--- wait... motorcycle... motorcycle... and now this fucking truck is backing up... dammit... anyway... I'm going away next weekend... a week from Thursday my friend from california is flying in and we're renting a car Friday morning and going to this wedding and we won't come back til Sunday... and I would just like to know...
Him:
Me: (exasperated) Honestly, I mean, if you want to get out of it, just get out of it..
Him: I'm not trying to get out of it - it's just I have golf really early on Saturday...
Me: I guess this is all starting to seem pretty needy but...
Him: I'm trying to ignore the neediness...
Me: (gasp)
Him: I'm joking.
Me: Okay. okay but maybe it's needy but...
Him: I'll try to work on it -- now that I know that you're away next weekend... I won't leave you waiting on texts on Saturday
Me: My life is so complicated. I hate it.
Him: I know.
And there you have it. Scene. Life is too cruel. There are 3 different boys/men off the top of my head dying to see me on Saturday night. But I am doomed to be so very one-at-a-time. My idiot therapist who I haven't seen for two weeks thinks that in this situation (which is basically the exact same situation as two weeks ago) what I need to do is go out with one of them on Saturday, but he is obviously a retard that needs to be dismissed/replaced. I don't want to go on some other date on Saturday and so I will not.
The good news is: I remembered this morning, oh yeah!, I am going to get tickets to a show early saturday morning at the TKTS booth and do that in the nighttime. Therefore, when my boyfriend here (ha ha ha) gets in touch about whatever the hell he's doing, I'll truthfully be held up at the theater til whatever time. But the big question is : is it imperative that I toss the whole thing right this second - it would be about the first time I let go someone I was still interested in because screw them and their nonchalance. Do you, my friends, think this is the moment to do it, just do it, my feelings be damned?
God I apologize for this friends. Because it is frickin pitiful, and because it is my heart.
love
Alexis
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2 comments:
Yeah, ditch it/him. He is obviously a schmuck. And, I mean, he golfs....gross.
I fo got the worst part... in te initial otel conversation, I started to say, "Well, tomorrow... actually I ha ve athing tomorrow too.." and he said "See now, look at you!" Isn't that really offensive?
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