okay

I have to kill 10 minutes. before toiling the rest of the day.

So Yom kippur:

I don't like how much it's asking God, "Father" for forgiveness. I don't want to equate God whatever it is so much with a father. Fathers are fallible and this one's supposed to be infallible - I guess - I mean that's what they keep saying during the service. But, I'd be much more able to go along with this "father" thing if he were a fallible father because all sorts of bad things happen - if it's a father making decisions then he's making some bad ones. I said it!

But right - I'm telling my father I've been very bad and I'm sorry so sorry or I'll die this year. Just seems perverse.

Meanwhile, as I'm thinking these thoughts, I'm obviously not doing a very good job of atoning.

Meanwhile I am the worst ever at fasting. I basically need to nap so that time will pass and when I wake up I can eat.

So, I have no spiritual life. I cannot fast and atone. I'm awful at it.

But you slip into this weird belief middle-ground I think. The whole time you're fuctioning bi-level : 1) I'm-hungry-and-don't-buy-this level and 2) But-if-youre-listening-God-hear-me-iterate-these-things-you-commanded-be-iterated-and-please-dont-kill-me-and-aslo-I-don't-buy-this level.

-A