Public Service Announcement

OH MY GOD STOP CALLING ME SWEETHEART STOP CALLING ME SWEETHEART STOP CALLING ME SWEETHEART.

okay

I have to kill 10 minutes. before toiling the rest of the day.

So Yom kippur:

I don't like how much it's asking God, "Father" for forgiveness. I don't want to equate God whatever it is so much with a father. Fathers are fallible and this one's supposed to be infallible - I guess - I mean that's what they keep saying during the service. But, I'd be much more able to go along with this "father" thing if he were a fallible father because all sorts of bad things happen - if it's a father making decisions then he's making some bad ones. I said it!

But right - I'm telling my father I've been very bad and I'm sorry so sorry or I'll die this year. Just seems perverse.

Meanwhile, as I'm thinking these thoughts, I'm obviously not doing a very good job of atoning.

Meanwhile I am the worst ever at fasting. I basically need to nap so that time will pass and when I wake up I can eat.

So, I have no spiritual life. I cannot fast and atone. I'm awful at it.

But you slip into this weird belief middle-ground I think. The whole time you're fuctioning bi-level : 1) I'm-hungry-and-don't-buy-this level and 2) But-if-youre-listening-God-hear-me-iterate-these-things-you-commanded-be-iterated-and-please-dont-kill-me-and-aslo-I-don't-buy-this level.

-A

Dating site for Heebies
May make you feel skeevy

Guy says he swims
you think, "yay, masculine..."

But when you meet him he's whiny
head not far from his heiney

He misrepresented his height
but why start a fight?

I don't meen to complain to ya
But raging megolomania!

Please don't misinterpret.
I wasn't at all hurt.

I knew I didn't sweat him
Just didn't want to upset him.

So I didn't mention
his glaring self obsession

Not a question about me
Onward! with his wants and needs

But when he wanted to make me a bloody mary in his special style
I thought fine; this will pass a little while...

Then he pushed me against his counter!
And I said I think this a little fast!
but, darlings, he still tried to mount her!
The man was a toal ass!

couplets can't to justice
To the level of fucked up ness.

He kept saying how he was once a "club kid"
I wanted to upchuck.

I'll try to do really finish this good later. This is coming along only in spurts. :)

XO

let me try rhyming

Dating site for Heebies
May make you feel skeevy

Guy says he swims
you think, "yay, masculine..."

But when you meet him he's whiny
head not far from his heiney
he misrepresented his height
but why start a fight?

what rhymes with megolomania?

Oh readers I cannot even tell you. Let's get a drink sometime and I will.



And yom kippur... later... later... promise.

Many thoughts

Yom Kippur.

This is a placeholder.

I have many thoughts on Yom Kippur. give them to you soon. :)

A

The reading

was so great.

Actors are amazing!

The best part though was the friends from work and friends from forever and friends from other work who really liked it and they meant it!

So, I'm very happy. The critiquing session after went on till I was bored and my wonderful actors were some of them angry at the more critical types. Next time I have a reading, I'm going to suggest saving the critique for the next workshop and just starting up the party after the "End Play" line is read.

It was some of the most fun I've ever had though. Just a really great feeling.

love
Alexis

News from the world

Businessmen expect very little from life.

elevator - me and two busniess men - one is asking the other why he likes 80s music out. They kind of stop talking b/c I'm there. I'm like, "Why don't you like to hear 80's music out?" One gives some reason. I make an observation about popular 80s music being pretty much dance music by nature though. We exit and Businessman A remarks, "Wow, that's a lot more than I expected from the elevator."

Sort of sad don't you think. And me, expecting that much if not much much more from everything. And which one is sad. And does it depend if you're a businessman?

XO
A

Musings 'cause I don't know what to do here right now

On the elevator - guy with loafers I really liked! : "I don't think in Monday, Tuesday... anymore. It's just a five day nightmare, starting now."

Me, in my head : "Let's get married"

My place is really great to live in if I haven't mentioned (I think I haven't and that's pretty unbelievable) - different rooms for different functions. Quite a thrill. I do, however, wish that man with great loafers would marry me and hang out there with me, saying things like that about work and enjoying my mac and cheese stylings!

Other than that, no news is good news. Got a cute black knit jumper for the reading. Finally finally did the laundry and am enjoying fresh underwear even as I type right now. Might be a little leaking from the bathroom sink that I'll take care of... tomorrow... ?

List:
Reasons fall is awesome:

1) Said it before and don't mind saying again : Fall is the only time you you can actually feel your memories. <--- hasn't acutally happened for me yet this year, but it's also only been fall for three days, if that.

2) In the fall, makeup isn't a disgusting goo layer for your face like in the summer. So therefore you start seeing women with dark brown skin whose lipstick is sparkly lavendar to match their sweaters. I am so impressed.

3) Like 2 - the clothes - they rule. So much more you can do when you need to put on more of them.

4) You shouldn't need more reasons than this.

Last thing on my mind - lots of people have had this thing where they end a relationship because the person in question is depressed. It's happening now to lots of women graduate students who wnat to have babies. I heard it from a reliable source.

XOXOXO
Alexis

okay okay okay so

my play is titled "I'm leaving: A love story"

But it SHOULD be called "What it's like if you're crazy like me."

Now couldn't anybody write a play called that? I feel funny inviting people to mine - but if they write theirs, I'll go to that.

In other news, ummm... I have a drinking problem but whatever 'cus it's not a problem. nice, hunh? I keep forgetting to eat dinner and drinking beer instead. bad or good? There's no one to judge but me. And I say it's fine.

What else? work is boring.

Sorry this post is a wash. All I can really think about is leaving work and going home and maybe doing things around the house I could.... maybe not.

I think i will hang the shower curtain. I wish I had pot.

love
Alexis

So so freaked out

last week, I "finished" my play. But here's the thing... inadequate!!!! (and still not actually full=length -- merely 69 pages) Nonetheless, I have my two lead girls cast (for the reading -- all this trauma to my system is for just a reading. It's amazing people actually get plays STAGED.) They'll pull it off GREAT.

Then, the playwrights group director wanted me to change the date.

Then I got CRAZY here at the office. I had to lie on the floor.

Then - four insane sounding emails later - I got my date back. Good. And I got another part cast.

What's going on is, I'm casting a lot of the poorly drawn characters now. And I feel ashamed sending these stranger-actors the script. First time creative things are like a horrible horrible hell. Because I have no way of knowing if what I'm sending these people is actually blatantly terrible work. I tell, you, I feel really shaky right now and it's only going to get worse.

And I still don't have my lead male locked down, or a lot of other parts.

Thank God the actors I have are so talented. That's the island in a storm of fear --HURRICANE of fear, here.

love
Alexis