When you have a problem with yahoo mail do you know what those fuckers try to get you to do? ASK OTHER YAHOO USERS THEIR OPINION IN AN ONLINE FORUM... or pay a customer service representative $30.00 for assistantce for the next 3 days. Nooooooooooooo... that's not what I want, Yahoo, neither of those things, but most of all NOT THE ASSISTANCE OF OTHER YAHOO USERS who literally "vote" on the answer to my question... which I promise you is so riveting I expect they'd all be e-lining up to answer. I can't even direct my anger here... I'm angry at yahoo for suggesting that anyone would want to vote on answers to my question about their email service and I'm just angry at THE WORLD if anyone would. (whisper in your ear, readers: my "search email" function ceased to function. I finally managed to send a normal-ish seeming service request form out into the inter-ether so if you love me, don't tell me what you think the problem is... I'll come begging tomorrow or the next day if Yahoo, the resposible party, doesn't pony up some answers.)
Leave it to parochial floater who gets paid, like, double my slary, to explain to me that this is just a case of me not understanding -- you can do this for everything! : how to break up with a boyfriend, how to cook a Turkey. Me: I can understand the Turkey.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
Hello young lawyers whoever you are, I know you just love cocaine...
Alexis: Hel...
Lawyer on phone: Hi Ro... Hi how are ya.. Hi. Maybe you can hel...
Alexis: Alexis actually, She's out sick today...
L: Oh well, that's fine, that's fine. Now maybe you can help me... maybe you've seen.. can you tell me if you've heard of this...see I've got this document here... and see.. I'm the attorney.. now do you know... have you ever heard of attorneys using the letterhead of the client... These guys are asking me... I'm drafting this document for 666 Xth avenue and these guys are asking.. can you put it on the 666 letterhead? Do you have that? Is this something you've heard of I mean... using the letterhead? Does 666 have its own letterhead, you know?
Alexis: I don't know. You're the attorney for that property?
L: Yeah. yes.
Alexis: Well, I don't know the first thing about it.. I mean I can give you the number of the Property Manager at 666... and I have [our company] letterhead here...
L: Sure sure.. No I think I have that. No that's okay. But I mean in your experience, have you seen that? I mean, do you know what they're saying?
Alexis: Well... you're the atttorney?
L: Yeah.
Alexis: And this document is for...
L: The Insurers.
Alexis: Well, I'm a floating administrative assistant you understand...
L: Right, but do you know anything about this? About using company letterhead for the properties...
Alexis: Well I guess all I can say is you're the attorney for this particular [our company] property... why would you have any letterhead but your own? It doesn't follow. As an employee of [our company] can't you use your own letterhead on behalf of us, your client who's employing you? Why would you have any letterhead other than your own?
L: Yeah.. that's good... THAT'S what I'll tell them.
Alexis (hangs up, turns to Debbie who hasn't spoken to her for three hours since she told A. that she's eating just fish and spinach today since eating ice cream and toblerone yesterday): I love it Debbie.. the people calling and asking you things... this Lawyer just called asking me what I knew about letterheads and business practice...
(Debbie turns to Alexis and stares into her eyes. Turns back to her computer screen wordless.)
Lawyer on phone: Hi Ro... Hi how are ya.. Hi. Maybe you can hel...
Alexis: Alexis actually, She's out sick today...
L: Oh well, that's fine, that's fine. Now maybe you can help me... maybe you've seen.. can you tell me if you've heard of this...see I've got this document here... and see.. I'm the attorney.. now do you know... have you ever heard of attorneys using the letterhead of the client... These guys are asking me... I'm drafting this document for 666 Xth avenue and these guys are asking.. can you put it on the 666 letterhead? Do you have that? Is this something you've heard of I mean... using the letterhead? Does 666 have its own letterhead, you know?
Alexis: I don't know. You're the attorney for that property?
L: Yeah. yes.
Alexis: Well, I don't know the first thing about it.. I mean I can give you the number of the Property Manager at 666... and I have [our company] letterhead here...
L: Sure sure.. No I think I have that. No that's okay. But I mean in your experience, have you seen that? I mean, do you know what they're saying?
Alexis: Well... you're the atttorney?
L: Yeah.
Alexis: And this document is for...
L: The Insurers.
Alexis: Well, I'm a floating administrative assistant you understand...
L: Right, but do you know anything about this? About using company letterhead for the properties...
Alexis: Well I guess all I can say is you're the attorney for this particular [our company] property... why would you have any letterhead but your own? It doesn't follow. As an employee of [our company] can't you use your own letterhead on behalf of us, your client who's employing you? Why would you have any letterhead other than your own?
L: Yeah.. that's good... THAT'S what I'll tell them.
Alexis (hangs up, turns to Debbie who hasn't spoken to her for three hours since she told A. that she's eating just fish and spinach today since eating ice cream and toblerone yesterday): I love it Debbie.. the people calling and asking you things... this Lawyer just called asking me what I knew about letterheads and business practice...
(Debbie turns to Alexis and stares into her eyes. Turns back to her computer screen wordless.)
Blog entry
Well I’m back. I assume you missed me in the internet.
I don’t know what to blog about because I’m so busy procrastinating making my ideas into anything of-a-piece… meaning I am checking my empty email inbox every two and half minutes… cooking up a different scene/ story first-paragraph every ten minutes in my head.. about to buy a really pretty purple button front shirt dress online. I don’t know where I get off with this stuff.
News of the vacation:
It’s much easier to relax on vacation in Florida, but only if you promise yourself with your best attempt at honesty that you won’t let yourself relax on return.
It’s a slower pace down there. Like floating through life. I prefer the hard way. It’s dangerous in Miami because the way not to be bored would probably be to party and party and party. That’s kind of empty and good. When I do finally go to a psychiatrist though, I wouldn’t want that to be the story --- like, “I’ve been filling my body with the most fabulous pills and a gallon of alcohol a day for the past ten years. I have lots of beautiful stuff. I don’t think I can ever stop taking these pills.” Yuck. I’d want to tell myself to shut up and give me $200, you know?
I think Spring will come this year. I’ve seen the sun and it really does give you a boost!
XO
A
I don’t know what to blog about because I’m so busy procrastinating making my ideas into anything of-a-piece… meaning I am checking my empty email inbox every two and half minutes… cooking up a different scene/ story first-paragraph every ten minutes in my head.. about to buy a really pretty purple button front shirt dress online. I don’t know where I get off with this stuff.
News of the vacation:
It’s much easier to relax on vacation in Florida, but only if you promise yourself with your best attempt at honesty that you won’t let yourself relax on return.
It’s a slower pace down there. Like floating through life. I prefer the hard way. It’s dangerous in Miami because the way not to be bored would probably be to party and party and party. That’s kind of empty and good. When I do finally go to a psychiatrist though, I wouldn’t want that to be the story --- like, “I’ve been filling my body with the most fabulous pills and a gallon of alcohol a day for the past ten years. I have lots of beautiful stuff. I don’t think I can ever stop taking these pills.” Yuck. I’d want to tell myself to shut up and give me $200, you know?
I think Spring will come this year. I’ve seen the sun and it really does give you a boost!
XO
A
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
R.D. Lang I am not
But anyway, here's that old post I erased where I listed out a bunch of things I've heard preople refer to or referred to myself as "crazy." I'm pretty sure I was high when I read it over and erased it, thinking, "Doing this will be used against you at your commital." or "They're gonna fire you when they find out this is what you're thinking about at work." Reading it now, it's just not that interesting! Add to list: PARANOIA. (oh it's already there. I knew it was exhaustive!)
------
If I can get this post down right then maybe I will never need to write anything ever again because this is the thing that preoccupies me most of all...
It's the word "crazy." People use this word to stand in for a lot of things. I do. I want to make a lexicon of crazies. I have not even taken Psych 101, yet behold:
I think it's best to start with Depressed. Lots of times people say "Crazy" and it would do just fine to sub in "Depressed". So let's start with kinds of ways of feeling depressed:
1) Genuine grief. Definitely not crazy and no one calls it that. Time eventually dulls this which is a lot like healing it. You do everything you can to make time pass in the most effectual way for you.
2) Like I do sometimes! How I am crazy! This would be, a little fatigued with it all already... life's full of obligations that can wear you down. And then add to this fatigue any old crush to the ego... say you find out your boyfriend you're living with is actually more bent on destroying you than supporting you and doesn't actually know you at all somehow, nor you him... or falling for someone stupidly (getting swept up, bitten by reality,) or you accidentally hurt someone's feelings; they accidentally hurt yours... and you were tired already! You examine your life as objectively as you can (difficult!).... but you feel sad and think you must be CRAZY to feel sad. No one's ever going to understand you. If you get fatigued, sad, cyclical, like this, and you can't shake it off by your best efforts, you get to be officially depressed. But maybe you ususally avoid it through some methodology you've developed somewhere in-between consciously and unconsciously. If not, i.e. you can't avoid it try as you might... add extreme wit and you're like Dorothy Parker. Add intensive hemorraghing the first time you have sex and keen awareness of the 1950's role of wife and you're a Sylvia Plath - sorry! Add rockstar and congratulations you are Janis Joplin. Boys, if you sleep with someone like this, (even one of the crazies who does generally dust herself off) try not to tell her she's "crazy" too often, or at least not more than once when she's waking up, because she'll A) get mad and/or B) might spend the day feeling teary/ wondering if she's crazy.
3) More specifically the fatigue much harder core, like too fatigued to get out of bed and by corrolary even more despair, increasing and increasing. This would be the hopelessly depressed. This would be the kind where you think "maybe altering the brain chemicals with drug therapy would actually help." This is Depression. These people probably aren't usually even called "crazy." I've heard it happen though.
4) Personality Disorder Depression. I believe we're still talking about different kinds of depressed. (Seeing as this can often be called "crazy.") It's starting to get a little dicey but bear with me. Personality disorder types are the people I personally probably call "crazy" the most. For example a friend might say : "My landlady insists that I scratched her car last week but I wasn't even in town and now she's leaving increasingly strongly worded notes on my door." and I'd say "That's because she's Crazy. Have you ever heard of a landlady who wasn't Crazy?" I still say this is a depression though -- a depression complexly morphed into a disorder that we can call crazy. People's bi-polar sisters are typically this kind of depressed, often called "crazy." Instead of feeling sad-bad, these people just go on with their bad selves when a delusion makes their roiling feelings feel justified. They don't know where their strong emotions are coming from -- strong emotions are scary -- so they decide, maybe just in the moment, that it's because of some immediate person or thing or obstacle -- such as not having a $10,000 drum set. This is also the kind of "crazy" a mom goes when she suddenly smacks her kid becasue he's there. If this is consistent behavior, congratualtions you're bi-polar I bet, or at least disordered. If you add Crystal Meth you're "crazy" just like many people residing in Hollywood .
5) Schizophrenic. Like the above but with voices and hullucinations. Can't understand difference between what people generally agree is transpiring in reality and what you perceive is transpiring. Leading possibly to homeless.
6) A depressed that's really into the alienation/hostility side and creeps people out. Maybe this is your "sociopath." Not good at the social stuff. Brooding, quiet, into metal. Maybe you're a 14 year old boy. Maybe you never stopped being like you were when you were a fourteen year old boy. Columbine, among other things, gave this "crazy" a bad name. It would be nice if there was a clear determinant which people like this were serial killers and which were just this odd-ball crazy, not good with people, don't want to make friends type, love the pain. (I've never met the serial killer kind I don't think.)
7) Needy. Everyone's somewhat needy. I start saying "crazy" when they go to the dark side, myself included. Obviously subjective.
8) Somehow empty. Also depressed. Rich. Stuck in childhood. Stuck in general.
Moving out of depressed crazy, here are some other things that get called crazy.
1) Dumb as dirt. Often called "crazy."
2) Very Shy
3) Very Loud, Raucous
4) Creative and paranoid
There are more. But this has been very satisfying for me.
------
If I can get this post down right then maybe I will never need to write anything ever again because this is the thing that preoccupies me most of all...
It's the word "crazy." People use this word to stand in for a lot of things. I do. I want to make a lexicon of crazies. I have not even taken Psych 101, yet behold:
I think it's best to start with Depressed. Lots of times people say "Crazy" and it would do just fine to sub in "Depressed". So let's start with kinds of ways of feeling depressed:
1) Genuine grief. Definitely not crazy and no one calls it that. Time eventually dulls this which is a lot like healing it. You do everything you can to make time pass in the most effectual way for you.
2) Like I do sometimes! How I am crazy! This would be, a little fatigued with it all already... life's full of obligations that can wear you down. And then add to this fatigue any old crush to the ego... say you find out your boyfriend you're living with is actually more bent on destroying you than supporting you and doesn't actually know you at all somehow, nor you him... or falling for someone stupidly (getting swept up, bitten by reality,) or you accidentally hurt someone's feelings; they accidentally hurt yours... and you were tired already! You examine your life as objectively as you can (difficult!).... but you feel sad and think you must be CRAZY to feel sad. No one's ever going to understand you. If you get fatigued, sad, cyclical, like this, and you can't shake it off by your best efforts, you get to be officially depressed. But maybe you ususally avoid it through some methodology you've developed somewhere in-between consciously and unconsciously. If not, i.e. you can't avoid it try as you might... add extreme wit and you're like Dorothy Parker. Add intensive hemorraghing the first time you have sex and keen awareness of the 1950's role of wife and you're a Sylvia Plath - sorry! Add rockstar and congratulations you are Janis Joplin. Boys, if you sleep with someone like this, (even one of the crazies who does generally dust herself off) try not to tell her she's "crazy" too often, or at least not more than once when she's waking up, because she'll A) get mad and/or B) might spend the day feeling teary/ wondering if she's crazy.
3) More specifically the fatigue much harder core, like too fatigued to get out of bed and by corrolary even more despair, increasing and increasing. This would be the hopelessly depressed. This would be the kind where you think "maybe altering the brain chemicals with drug therapy would actually help." This is Depression. These people probably aren't usually even called "crazy." I've heard it happen though.
4) Personality Disorder Depression. I believe we're still talking about different kinds of depressed. (Seeing as this can often be called "crazy.") It's starting to get a little dicey but bear with me. Personality disorder types are the people I personally probably call "crazy" the most. For example a friend might say : "My landlady insists that I scratched her car last week but I wasn't even in town and now she's leaving increasingly strongly worded notes on my door." and I'd say "That's because she's Crazy. Have you ever heard of a landlady who wasn't Crazy?" I still say this is a depression though -- a depression complexly morphed into a disorder that we can call crazy. People's bi-polar sisters are typically this kind of depressed, often called "crazy." Instead of feeling sad-bad, these people just go on with their bad selves when a delusion makes their roiling feelings feel justified. They don't know where their strong emotions are coming from -- strong emotions are scary -- so they decide, maybe just in the moment, that it's because of some immediate person or thing or obstacle -- such as not having a $10,000 drum set. This is also the kind of "crazy" a mom goes when she suddenly smacks her kid becasue he's there. If this is consistent behavior, congratualtions you're bi-polar I bet, or at least disordered. If you add Crystal Meth you're "crazy" just like many people residing in Hollywood .
5) Schizophrenic. Like the above but with voices and hullucinations. Can't understand difference between what people generally agree is transpiring in reality and what you perceive is transpiring. Leading possibly to homeless.
6) A depressed that's really into the alienation/hostility side and creeps people out. Maybe this is your "sociopath." Not good at the social stuff. Brooding, quiet, into metal. Maybe you're a 14 year old boy. Maybe you never stopped being like you were when you were a fourteen year old boy. Columbine, among other things, gave this "crazy" a bad name. It would be nice if there was a clear determinant which people like this were serial killers and which were just this odd-ball crazy, not good with people, don't want to make friends type, love the pain. (I've never met the serial killer kind I don't think.)
7) Needy. Everyone's somewhat needy. I start saying "crazy" when they go to the dark side, myself included. Obviously subjective.
8) Somehow empty. Also depressed. Rich. Stuck in childhood. Stuck in general.
Moving out of depressed crazy, here are some other things that get called crazy.
1) Dumb as dirt. Often called "crazy."
2) Very Shy
3) Very Loud, Raucous
4) Creative and paranoid
There are more. But this has been very satisfying for me.
Intrepid / Eastern (opposite of Eastern)
There's a Taoist proverb where there's this farmer and he's got two sons. One year the crops all die and the whole family practically starves. Some neighbors bring over a little feast and look around at the wasteland and say "Oh that's bad" - but the farmer says "It's not good or bad." The next week raping evil tribes come and kill the neighbors because they had food on their farm. Again, someone tells him, oh that's bad, but good for you man. He again declines to weigh in with opinion. Then his son has a son. ("Good!" "It's no good or bad.") Then his other son dies. Then they win the lotto; then they lose it all becasue they're morons. I don't know.
I think I live a tiny Taoist life cycle getting to work when it's this cold and snowing.
* Last night - oh shit my ipod's broken. Damn just in time for vacation. Let me get on the internet...
* This morning - oh shit it's so cold I can't possibly leave this bed. Email from NYCipoddoctor - press the middle and menu at the same time for 10 seconds. The ipod is restored.
* Perfect - it's freezing, but the laundry downstairs should have my dry cleaning ready.. I'll just wear all of it at once.
* The laundromat is not open yet and you should be on your way the hell out of Queens once it is.
* Oh fuck.. I have to go to the 42nd street office today.
* Oh great... so I can wear the same clothes as yesterday!
* It is brutally cold but I have long johns from the last time I was stranded in mid town cold beyond cold and threw myself at the feet of retailer with open door who presented long johns.
* Oh fantastic.. I missed a train full of empty seats but SURELY another train will come in the next 20 minutes and I'll get a seat on that one.
* No.
* God, it's too crowded to even reach into my bag to put the ipod phones in my ears.
* I'm alive another day on this bizarre amazing earth. A lady is taking me to the room of this office that has bagels. She is telling me that half the people in here are AUDITORS eating OUR BAGELS.
XOXO
Alexis
I think I live a tiny Taoist life cycle getting to work when it's this cold and snowing.
* Last night - oh shit my ipod's broken. Damn just in time for vacation. Let me get on the internet...
* This morning - oh shit it's so cold I can't possibly leave this bed. Email from NYCipoddoctor - press the middle and menu at the same time for 10 seconds. The ipod is restored.
* Perfect - it's freezing, but the laundry downstairs should have my dry cleaning ready.. I'll just wear all of it at once.
* The laundromat is not open yet and you should be on your way the hell out of Queens once it is.
* Oh fuck.. I have to go to the 42nd street office today.
* Oh great... so I can wear the same clothes as yesterday!
* It is brutally cold but I have long johns from the last time I was stranded in mid town cold beyond cold and threw myself at the feet of retailer with open door who presented long johns.
* Oh fantastic.. I missed a train full of empty seats but SURELY another train will come in the next 20 minutes and I'll get a seat on that one.
* No.
* God, it's too crowded to even reach into my bag to put the ipod phones in my ears.
* I'm alive another day on this bizarre amazing earth. A lady is taking me to the room of this office that has bagels. She is telling me that half the people in here are AUDITORS eating OUR BAGELS.
XOXO
Alexis
Monday, March 5, 2007
Hi
So I'm back at work. Last night I commented on my last post and it called me Hillary. This must have occured because sometime earlier in the weekend she checked her email on my computer and then later in the weekend I went on her bridesmaid blog. Maybe it's not so fascinating to you but I thought it was pretty unexpected. Anyway.
Oh anyway, I was not reading carefully Eff; you did say you wanted to come out to see the place.
My thoughts are the usual right now. The New York MTA is an amazing system just like the ecosystem Earth and the planetary sprawl. But it is a cyborg system because there's humans at the helm of its ships. Friends are so good and life renewing.
I'm going to Miami on Friday. My grandmother called this morning. She lives in Sarasota.. nowhere near Miami, but she really wants to see me. So do I cut my trip short and drive to Sarasota somehow eventhough I can't really rent a car.. unless it's true that Hertz lets you use your debit card? If I write to the ethicist with this question, I will be mocked & scorned on Gawker so I won't. Plus he wouldn't answer in time.
BORING!
Oh anyway, I was not reading carefully Eff; you did say you wanted to come out to see the place.
My thoughts are the usual right now. The New York MTA is an amazing system just like the ecosystem Earth and the planetary sprawl. But it is a cyborg system because there's humans at the helm of its ships. Friends are so good and life renewing.
I'm going to Miami on Friday. My grandmother called this morning. She lives in Sarasota.. nowhere near Miami, but she really wants to see me. So do I cut my trip short and drive to Sarasota somehow eventhough I can't really rent a car.. unless it's true that Hertz lets you use your debit card? If I write to the ethicist with this question, I will be mocked & scorned on Gawker so I won't. Plus he wouldn't answer in time.
BORING!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Redesign
What is it about the experience of living that what you're doing matters so much to you? The ego the ego, so bound in by the ego.
The reason it would be really hard to acheive nirvana or some kind of state of zen in New York is that in so doing you might become prey to vermin that want your apartment; you also might find you have an apartment that others cannot comfortably visit.
An engaged couple is coming to spend two nights chez moi on Thursday. I am REDESIGNING the apartment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The extraordinarily-heavy-glass topped coffee table is gone. The LOFT has been dismantled. The couch-bed which used to be under the loft has moved to beneath the windows, where the media center used to be. The media center is against the opposite wall where the purplish trunk used to be. The trunk is the new coffeee table, in front of the couch bed. A NEW BED arrives tomorrow to go where the loft was. You don't have to climb to get in. If a mouse ever gets in there I won't blog anymore because I will die, mortified.
As far as I can picture it, it's all going to be very very inviting. You should all come see.
XOXOX
Alexis
p.s. Don't date people you have to convince about it. And if that makes you happy kid, you'll be the first it ever did. (Dorothy Parker. What if this was the only thing I ever said? I think it would suffice.)
The reason it would be really hard to acheive nirvana or some kind of state of zen in New York is that in so doing you might become prey to vermin that want your apartment; you also might find you have an apartment that others cannot comfortably visit.
An engaged couple is coming to spend two nights chez moi on Thursday. I am REDESIGNING the apartment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The extraordinarily-heavy-glass topped coffee table is gone. The LOFT has been dismantled. The couch-bed which used to be under the loft has moved to beneath the windows, where the media center used to be. The media center is against the opposite wall where the purplish trunk used to be. The trunk is the new coffeee table, in front of the couch bed. A NEW BED arrives tomorrow to go where the loft was. You don't have to climb to get in. If a mouse ever gets in there I won't blog anymore because I will die, mortified.
As far as I can picture it, it's all going to be very very inviting. You should all come see.
XOXOX
Alexis
p.s. Don't date people you have to convince about it. And if that makes you happy kid, you'll be the first it ever did. (Dorothy Parker. What if this was the only thing I ever said? I think it would suffice.)
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