The good news is a shift has occured, and far be it from me to deem it either arbitrary or necessary, ordained or coincidental, but they are playing "Borderline" more than ever in the delis, I've noticed.

Not all the lyrics to Borderline are great. But I like:
Try
Try to understand
I'm giving all I can
Cause you've got the best of me

Right?

Yesterday was a big freak out. Such a big freak out that I made a return to the seediest bar in the world for the first time in months. It's a long long story where I want to kill my mother. And SHE'D tell you it's because I'm a spoiled brat who needs to be instructed in some lessons on reality, and I'd tell you it's because she'd tell you that. Anyway, I'm going to see the most incredible penthouse glassed in apartment today w/ E. and can't really afford it, could do if I sucked up an un-frugal year and found a roommate, but anyway my horroscope today is "Trying to do things on too grand a scale could cause you complications." It should have said, "Telling your mother what you want to do is fucking retarded" -- yesterday!!!!

I remember what I wanted to tell you...

My dream! (Oh and cite this quotation! "Nobody is interested in other people's dreams")

I dreamt that I was discussing people who adopt and people who get in vetro in a cavern with my father and his family. I was saying I would adopt if I was one of those people who couldn't conceive, before I'd get invetro. He, my father, got serious and informed me that I was one of those people and that is what I'd have to do because of a medical thing - a "blueprint." He told me "You have no blueprint." He was sorry they had never told me but justified that decision, saying, how could I think there would not be repercussion to the terrible infection which riddled my body two years ago? (in the dream, I had had such a thing.) After the infection, I was lucky to be alive. They didn't want to make me go through any more trauma, so they didn't tell me that my blueprint had been compromised.

Deep no?

XO
Alexis

Obsessed with Rosie O'Donnel

The best person on television! (Carl Bernstein was good on Charlie Rose last night too -- but this is totally tangential.)

You don't have to read my blog. I've had nothing to tell you for ages. You may as well read Rosie's though... and watch her fight with Elizabeth Hasselbeck on youtube.

Obsession with Rosie combined with watching that US vs. John Lennon movie - I'm just happy to hear public people mentioning the truth about things, esp. on a show like The View.

And don't get me started on Barbara walters. I loather that Elizabeth Hasselbeck becuse she's really comfortable getting all obnoxious on Babara Walters. That should go in the DSM IV --- I guess you're more likely to be on the view if you moronically talk back to Barbara Walters than not though.

I have to work now. :( :(

I love Rosie O'Donnel.

XO
Alexis

Deductive and inductive reasoning skills are among the attriubtues tht separate humans from other life forms

And so I give you,

Is it bedbugs?

Why it is probably bed bugs:

1) Bedbug epidimic in New York.
2) The exterminator: "You wake up with bites after sleep in the bed, you have bedbugs. Is bedbugs."
3) Makes sense right?

Why I don't think it's bedbugs EVEN SO:

1) There are so much like mosquito bites. Now you see, these bites aren't a series of small rashlike bumps with traces of blood let. Not at all, and that's what I hear bedbugs leave on you! Nonetheless, It's not possible that it's mosquitos since the only open window is tightly screened.
2) There's a lot of wood around my bed from when I dismantled the loft and put the pieces under the new bed and beside it, between it and the wall. Termites? Do termites bite people?
3) Maybe it's fleas from the vermin and I'm carrying some strange plague.
4) Much like #1: No blood spots on the bed, not visible bugs. Bed bugs, the internet tells me, are not invisible.

So there you have it. The exterminator is apprently going to do exterminator bed bug magic and will hopefully be able to answer my questions such as "Is it maybe termites?" "Is it maybe fleas from the baby rats?"

I should start cleaning. I had more than two bites. More like six. I feel a lot better though. It will be okay. I've been pretty frustro all week so far. My guess is PMS. PMS + unlivable living space = not the nice girl I look like. Cutie asked me out on the subway though. And E. v. kind about my mood. So, you know, I should stop with this whole kill me thing, even if this apartment is beyond me.

XOXOXOXOX
Alexis

Somebody kill me please

Can we all admit this week is weird already?

I'm basically beside myself. I had two new perfect-red-circle bites on myself this morning and I could hear the mouse (E. says there are no mice, only rats and baby rats in NY) last night. I already did a very unattractive rant to E. over our smoke break about how I may as well live in Calcutta, can't live like this, etc.

An exterminator is coming tomorrow evening so tonight I'll do my bleaching the floor and trashcans routine and wake up with more bites and then, maybe, hope and prayer will be answered, rewarded.

Saturday I let a sadistic apartment broker show me places in Manhattan where I could live with a roommate, pay approx. twice as much. He did that broker thing where first he shows the best place, which is unacceptble, then takes you cross town to show you two worse places than that.

I came up with a really cool idea for an engraved silver bangle bracelet though. It's just sterling silver and then it says in cursive "Don't move. Fix here."

Now there's a companion, thinner band, "But could you give me a hand Goddammit." :)

In other news, people are behaving strangely in the subways. For details, comment with your email address and I'll send you a personal email with, your choice,

1) Dude who talks to you even when you're wearing headphones, tell him you'd prefer to listen to music right now, repeat that you'd prefer to listen to music now.
2) Attractive, seemingly getting by pretty well woman with book and practically uncountable number of nervous ticks
3) lady with a migraine

Thirdly, I plan to throw out that drawing board that completely blocks my "kitchen," possibly tonight if my family is unable to promise that someone will come with mini-van to bring it to a child who can use it. THEN, I will buy a toaster and then I can start living on tuna melts. ESPECIALLY if they're aren't hosts of vermmin lining up to eat the microscopic remnants.

Breathe, breathe again. I'll pay you, incidentally to stand at my door with a shotgun and a flashlight while I sleep. To kill the mouse, I mean.

XO
Alexis

poems to things / people

These promise not to be thoughtful enough to really qualify as poems, but it's my blog isn't it?

Lacoste Window Display

Lacoste Window Display,
Who would ever wear that?
I did not think
Preppies
really wanted to look like clowns.
Is it me or you who is so wrong?

People leaving the play and walking the other way

People leaving the play and walking the other way,
I was trying to get you to walk with me
when I said
Oh, I wonder if I can get to my subway this way... I always get lost when I try for 42nd street.
Did you keep walking away and not turn back
because you've all agreed together not to indulge that girl
when she would really like some company?
Maybe you thought I was just talking to myself.
Since I do a lot.


N/W train

N/W train,
I love you. I love you.
Sometimes things happen between us.
There is no subway I will ever love like you.
Did you think I cared about knowing the time in the 2 & 3?
Becasue I don't.
I don't feel much for those at all
It's you, It's you
I often love you best when we're moving out of the tunnel to above the ground
But in truth I love you all the time.

XO
Alexis

Qu'est que c'est?

Today I am finding it interesting that mass murderers aren't administrative assistants.

So that sounds in poor taste, but A) that guy killing all those students is so horrendous it provokes a strange reaction in otherwise uninvolved people -- For example, I can honestly say I think the best word to characterize the media was "gleeful." Whoever I saw on the TV the next morning, Brian Williams I think, was basically beaming and pretending like THAT was an appropriately deferential response to such unbelievable violence and tragedy.

B) I really mean it. It is interesting. These killing spree people don't make any sense whatsoever. There'd actually BE some connection - some cause - if these people, say , had to work jobs where different casts of people treated them like their bitch, even their supposed peers in society, whenever they got the chance to enjoy a second's flash of power. Like Taxi Driver... but Taxi Driver is a movie. In real life these people are simmering with a blind rage that is not dimensional and not at all as related to causality as Travis Bickle's. It's just scary and they're determined to kill lots of people. Their frustration isn't related in any way to the frustration of most people who get mad at their place in the world and simmer at reality. They simmer lightly, comparatively, no matter how much they feel they can't control it. Killing spree people get mad at students for not appreciating their education of all the things to be enraged about! That's how twisted they are. That kid's parents had to be dry cleaners. But HE didn't. His parents didn't kill anyone and think how annoying people must be to the dry cleaner. This kid hadn't even experienced being told to "smile" while fixing someone else's three years fucked-up filing. Or driven a taxi thirty days in a row. So twisted. He'd just met a couple rich kids. I mean, hold you horses, people get so much WORSE than that! I'm not even slightly interested in his psychology. If anyone's reading his multimedia garbage it must be because it's so amazingly appalling that NBC rushed it out into the public. At least I am not interested at all in the rage of someone who should have died a long time ago.

My two cents on all that.

love
Alexis