There is a party I should go to. But I am feeling very content at home - it's not really that messy, I've been tidying. Just need a new vacuum. Old one broke.
Old and I live in Queens.
I make quite the life of it! - but today I took a prac test at 24th st. (55 minutes away) from 11 - 4, I am feeling content, and also like waking up with a fresh start on my day tomorrow, which includes a 3 o'clock meeting on 24th st. So here we are at 10:45 and even though I should really go to the party, I know- it would definitely be fun, I do feel just a little sick - and the house in question is on 34th st.. I am an adult, I want to stay home, and wine will have to be my friend. Also I got my copy of The Executioner's Song back from Adam. I am so old and so lame. So old and so lame. repeat. ha ha. fetishes. fetishes are the next frontier. ways to stay at home and keep it interesting. Oh God - do I have a fever?
XO
Alexis
Saturday, March 27, 2010
When it comes to the LSAT...
... sometimes I am a little in love with bad reasoning in the arguments. I believe I know it isn't quite right, but bad reasoning... ah, it can be so charming that you (I) entertain it. I should think of the LSAT as an extremely coy obnoxious man. When it comes down to two choices especially. I need to practice that thing. :-) Haha lol.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
When I was in third grade I had
a nanny named Jill who lived with us. She was the second Jill. The first Jill was when we lived in the house in New York, just my mother and I. I liked her I think but I don't think I had her (I had her?) very long. But the strongest memory I have of her is a time I stepped on her toe and she had an "ingrown nail!" and she cried and screamed at me, so I guess first Jill may have been a little mental no wait - i also remember watching snow fall in big flakes for the first time with her. She had pretty art in her room. She bolted in the night leaving a note about hating to leave, but she had to, but she loved me, just like Maria did in The Sound of Music. Second Jill, a lifetime later (everyone remarries! moves to New Jersey! has babies!) was the best nanny a girl in third grade in New Jersey with a sort of blobbish-age baby sister could have. We were in love. Jill made any of the lie-bragging about my mom I had ever done come true times a million. Jill made me scavenger hunts for when I came home with clues to the next thing all over the house - ingenious clues, sometimes picture clues, - the library was often a trap. While I did the hunts she made a snack of something in an ingenious shape. She sent notes in lunch. Once she made red sweatpants for me with ribbons and buttons and a decorative pink & white patch. She put them in my room and she told me not to confuse them with play red sweatpants which I immediately did and ripped a huge hole in them that day, that instant , just about. When she went back to Wisconsin for the holidays she left a note in the box under her bed for me not to spy on her things -she knew me too well. She was magical like Mary Poppins - from Wisconsin - who went to such a cool youth group church that we rode for miles to to pick her up from. She would tell us about the coed Jesus trivia games they played wearing bathing suits(?) in a Jello filled swimming pool. Cool.
It is true, I think, that she only ate buttered popcorn. I was told that and I think it bore out. And it's true I'm sure that she had an emotional side I didn't see. She left though - and I think my mom fired her. She was gone and my mother talked to me about how she was mentally ill, anorexic, and kleptomaniac. I just thought of her suddenly talking to Jessica on the phone. She was telling me about her mom these days and I don't know - it took me back - even though I hadn't met Jessica when Jill was my nanny. What a sad story. My mother didn't know how to be kind to that girl. I talked to the school counselor about it. He had a special room where you could look down on the people in gym class from two stories above through a tiny hidden door - those happy kickballplaying suckers didn't know the secret perspectives revealed to those as weird as me. I repeated to him what I'd been told - she only ate popcorn, she stole my mother's pin that she got at her promotion party at her firm - and people only steal things like that when they have a fixation with the person it belongs to - it was personal. I remember telling my friend Meredith about it. I loved telling her the dramatic things about my life - they impressed and excited her. It's strange thinking about Jill. It just occured to me too that I could look her up. Facebook being what it is. My mother told me that she went to an institution and that's what I told Meredith dramatically in the hallway - we had been getting pretty good at leaving class at the same time. I missed her badly - after her came Angie, a sweet mormon girl, I was purposely mean to- through with nannies and all this best friends let's hang out and talk. She left soon enough, homesick - back to Utah (I did warm up to her. Asked her now and then about the Bible.) But my attitude was that Jill was the best, what was there to gain from Angie... I just wouldn't commit ;) Then someone came and calIed a suicide hotline the third night of living in our house, Jolie (accent on the "Jo"). Then came the era of Indra from Trinidad Tobego, who just stopped showing up one day, and then Emma from Belize and Stephanie got some discipline at last (and someone told poor sixth grade me that it wasn't weird if my mother made me cry - she had that effect.) Emma was mos def fired. it was right after my step-dad had some kind of heat stroke and was lying on the couch and she said "Well she's finally done it- she's finally killed him." Emma was a blog of her own. I wonder what really happened with Jill. Maybe she wasn't fired. Maybe I'll try to suss this out from my drunk mother the next time I have the chance.
It is true, I think, that she only ate buttered popcorn. I was told that and I think it bore out. And it's true I'm sure that she had an emotional side I didn't see. She left though - and I think my mom fired her. She was gone and my mother talked to me about how she was mentally ill, anorexic, and kleptomaniac. I just thought of her suddenly talking to Jessica on the phone. She was telling me about her mom these days and I don't know - it took me back - even though I hadn't met Jessica when Jill was my nanny. What a sad story. My mother didn't know how to be kind to that girl. I talked to the school counselor about it. He had a special room where you could look down on the people in gym class from two stories above through a tiny hidden door - those happy kickballplaying suckers didn't know the secret perspectives revealed to those as weird as me. I repeated to him what I'd been told - she only ate popcorn, she stole my mother's pin that she got at her promotion party at her firm - and people only steal things like that when they have a fixation with the person it belongs to - it was personal. I remember telling my friend Meredith about it. I loved telling her the dramatic things about my life - they impressed and excited her. It's strange thinking about Jill. It just occured to me too that I could look her up. Facebook being what it is. My mother told me that she went to an institution and that's what I told Meredith dramatically in the hallway - we had been getting pretty good at leaving class at the same time. I missed her badly - after her came Angie, a sweet mormon girl, I was purposely mean to- through with nannies and all this best friends let's hang out and talk. She left soon enough, homesick - back to Utah (I did warm up to her. Asked her now and then about the Bible.) But my attitude was that Jill was the best, what was there to gain from Angie... I just wouldn't commit ;) Then someone came and calIed a suicide hotline the third night of living in our house, Jolie (accent on the "Jo"). Then came the era of Indra from Trinidad Tobego, who just stopped showing up one day, and then Emma from Belize and Stephanie got some discipline at last (and someone told poor sixth grade me that it wasn't weird if my mother made me cry - she had that effect.) Emma was mos def fired. it was right after my step-dad had some kind of heat stroke and was lying on the couch and she said "Well she's finally done it- she's finally killed him." Emma was a blog of her own. I wonder what really happened with Jill. Maybe she wasn't fired. Maybe I'll try to suss this out from my drunk mother the next time I have the chance.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
We all know
what "freaked out" means. Memphis just freaked me out. Why was i just in Memphis for twenty four hours? A guy named Steve I met three weeks ago so drunk and delighted after a night at Mike and Wendy's in Westchester with Kelly in a bar by Grand Central Station flew me down. He lives, at the moment, in Arkansas. He is drunk and sweet and a little passive in that rich, so sweet, and it's all been too easy way. (But of course somehow no one has it really easy - because women are never easy... [people are never easy - love is impossible] but I digress... )
Would anyone have wagered that Memphis would turn out to suit me? (it doesn't - It is a freakout!) Hicks are scary! Or anyway - they are a freak out. Don't you agree?
I find that Southerners have a common weirdness about Jews. Listen, hicks scare me, but tolerant one that I am, when I think about it tolerantly, I didn't understand that Jewish is your ethnicity, religious or not, and it's about bloodlines that are traceable and that is what a tribe is until, I don't know, my junior year, when I joked with Megan and my Dad that the big new Polish boy in Math class would surely ask me to prom and it would be great how we're both Polish and my Dad was like "What's your problem? You're not Polish." It was much like the time I explained to him that the Fourth of July is The Statue of Liberty's birthday long after I should not have thought that. Blame NJ. I do. - and that is just how I blame memphis for how those crazy chilling accent nutty scary people are!
more soon.
Would anyone have wagered that Memphis would turn out to suit me? (it doesn't - It is a freakout!) Hicks are scary! Or anyway - they are a freak out. Don't you agree?
I find that Southerners have a common weirdness about Jews. Listen, hicks scare me, but tolerant one that I am, when I think about it tolerantly, I didn't understand that Jewish is your ethnicity, religious or not, and it's about bloodlines that are traceable and that is what a tribe is until, I don't know, my junior year, when I joked with Megan and my Dad that the big new Polish boy in Math class would surely ask me to prom and it would be great how we're both Polish and my Dad was like "What's your problem? You're not Polish." It was much like the time I explained to him that the Fourth of July is The Statue of Liberty's birthday long after I should not have thought that. Blame NJ. I do. - and that is just how I blame memphis for how those crazy chilling accent nutty scary people are!
more soon.
Monday, March 1, 2010
It turns out
God Help the Girl is the main guy from Belle and Sebastian and the female singer is a newcomer. Anyway, it's so good. This song "Musician, Please take Heed" is a real sing to the hairbrush song... "I thought I might just write a letter / anything to stay away/ from books and lessons today/ Besides it's part of my induction/ into the literate world/ I am a literate girl!"
The internet couldn't understand the following lyrics from the bridge but I got em all!:
I'll kick this mood off with a change of scene
I bought a leotard and go to the gym!
I couldn't get away with wearing it last summer
but I've lost a lot weight
I think it's down to leaving meat
out of my diet
as a rule
I won't buy it
'cause it's cruel
So hilarious and wonderful. Sounds like ABBA if ABBA were more wonderful by a power of ten and the songwriters knew counterpoint.
I have taken off work today to listen to an album too much.
Oh and then:
And if the nighttime threatens me with pain
I will give in to lust
I will do what I must!
Sick day for mental illness. I wish they were all sick days for mental illness. I learn about the puzzles for the LSAT from 7pm-9pm tonight.
XOXOXO
A
The internet couldn't understand the following lyrics from the bridge but I got em all!:
I'll kick this mood off with a change of scene
I bought a leotard and go to the gym!
I couldn't get away with wearing it last summer
but I've lost a lot weight
I think it's down to leaving meat
out of my diet
as a rule
I won't buy it
'cause it's cruel
So hilarious and wonderful. Sounds like ABBA if ABBA were more wonderful by a power of ten and the songwriters knew counterpoint.
I have taken off work today to listen to an album too much.
Oh and then:
And if the nighttime threatens me with pain
I will give in to lust
I will do what I must!
Sick day for mental illness. I wish they were all sick days for mental illness. I learn about the puzzles for the LSAT from 7pm-9pm tonight.
XOXOXO
A
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